Andrew Hamm: the Bipolar Express

Ruminations on theatre, music, and just about anything else that crosses my bipolar brain.

Monday, April 30, 2007

Computer Worm. Literally.

I'm sick as a dog today (just in time for two 12+ hour days working on John Adams), and my stomach is turned easily. But I don't think I can blame my ill health for the fact that I nearly vomited in my classroom today.

I was working on my school laptop, grading my kids' classwork, and I was having a hard time with the "Home" key. The other keys around it were fine, but for some reason "Home" wouldn't push. Upon closer investigating, I saw something under the key.

It was a worm.

Not a software worm, an actual grub or maggot of some kind was living inside my computer. It was about as long as the last knuckle of my little finger, a brownish, grey color, and very much alive as it slowly wriggled its way between the keys of my keyboard. Fighting back the vomit impulse, I pried up the key and tried to pluck the damn thing out of my keyboard with a paperclip, hopefully without puncturing it and smearing worm guts all through the insides of my laptop. By the time I dropped it in the trash can, it wasn't moving any longer.

This freaking worm is all I can think of. How long has it been living inside my computer??? How did it get there? What has it been eating, and how much worm poop is between my keys? Why in the world was it there? Did some insect lay eggs inside my computer? Are there more of the freaking things in there? Of all the places, why inside my compter?

Dude, there was a worm living inside my computer. I am completely nauseated.

I wish I'd had my camera on me.



  • At 4/30/2007 6:35 PM , Anonymous Jacquie O. said...

    This may be the last e-mail you ever get from me, since I am now afraid to touch ny keyboard. Thank you so much for sharing!

  • At 4/30/2007 6:38 PM , Anonymous Jacquie O. said...

    You know...the "M" key and the "N" key are so close together...I was sure that I hit the "M" key for the word "my"...maybe a WORM was under the "M" key and it lifted it's ugly head up and pushed my finger over to the "N" key.....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

  • At 4/30/2007 8:39 PM , Blogger Joey Fanelli said...

    Oh man... that's just... wow... Jesus, that is just sick. Blech. I almost threw up just READING that. And, let me tell you, i'm not the squemish type either... but man... that's just sick.

  • At 5/01/2007 8:57 AM , Anonymous Jacquie O. said...

    My college roommate had a roach crawl into her ear while she was sleeping outside during a camping trip. She had to go to the hospital to have it removed. My next door neighbor Kenny Martin tossed a slug down my back when I was 10 years old. Needless to say, I will never have sex outside and I carry salt with me at all times!

  • At 5/01/2007 2:05 PM , Anonymous Ulitmate Megaking said...

    What a wonderful story. Tweezers may have come in handy, too bad you didn't have them handy.

  • At 5/01/2007 9:35 PM , Blogger Frank Creasy said...

    Thanks Jacquie, forewarned is forearmed, I believe they say. ;>)

    An intriqueing post, to say the least! And after reading through all this, folks...I got nothin'. But thanks for the entertainment!

  • At 5/02/2007 7:37 AM , Blogger Andrew Hamm said...

    I still can't effing believe this happened.

  • At 5/02/2007 7:37 AM , Blogger Andrew Hamm said...

    Nice screen name, ultimate megaking. It's hard to believe that everybody wasn't lining up to choose that name.

  • At 5/02/2007 10:09 AM , Anonymous Jacquie O. said...

    So I have to add one more story...just because it makes me laugh to think of it and shows you all what a weany I am around bugs. When I first purchased my home I went outside to put stuff in my nice new storage shed. Well when I opened the door THOUSANDS of HUGE black crickets were in there jumping all over the place. I screamed, burst into tears and called my friends Joe & Debra crying that I was incapable of owning a house if I had to deal with this. Thank God Joe came over killed them all and cleaned it out...while Debra calmed my down with several glasses of wine! Now I have two cats that eat them for me!

  • At 5/02/2007 10:12 AM , Anonymous Jacquie O. said...

    Damn..."me"...calmed "me" down! Maybe there is a worm in the area of my brain that controls spelling!!!

  • At 5/02/2007 11:46 AM , Blogger Brad said...

    I would like to acknowledge that I've read this. Can we please start a support group now?

  • At 5/02/2007 4:57 PM , Blogger Joey Fanelli said...

    We should.


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