Ian Robinson on Rubber Bracelets
This actually comes from a column in the Calgary Sun about the city of Calgary mandating "Support Our Troops" stickers on all city vehicles. That issue aside, this digression was funny enough to share.
from "Issue Transcends Bumper-Sticker Politics"
BY IAN ROBINSON
"What's that ugly yellow thing around your wrist, Bob?"
"Why it's a Lance Armstrong bracelet! It announces to the world that I'm against cancer! It says: Livestrong!"
"What's the pink one mean?"
"That I'm against breast cancer!"
"You find it necessary to announce that? Have you ever met anybody in favour of breast cancer? And besides, doesn't the yellow bracelet cover off the pink bracelet?"
"No! It's different!"
"How?"
"I dunno! The colour, maybe!"
"And the purple bracelet?"
"That I'm against domestic violence!"
"Um, Bob. Isn't everybody against domestic violence and cancer?"
"I dunno, Ian. You're not wearing anything on your wrist, are you?"
"Just my Rolex. What's that say about me?"
"That you're a self-involved, shallow capitalist pig. And that you probably have a huge carbon footprint. And you also enjoy domestic violence and support cancer-causing pollution in the service of making money for large corporations raping Mother Earth."
"Nice talking to you, Bob. Enjoy your bracelets and your smug sense of superiority."
Har dee har har har.
from "Issue Transcends Bumper-Sticker Politics"
BY IAN ROBINSON
"What's that ugly yellow thing around your wrist, Bob?"
"Why it's a Lance Armstrong bracelet! It announces to the world that I'm against cancer! It says: Livestrong!"
"What's the pink one mean?"
"That I'm against breast cancer!"
"You find it necessary to announce that? Have you ever met anybody in favour of breast cancer? And besides, doesn't the yellow bracelet cover off the pink bracelet?"
"No! It's different!"
"How?"
"I dunno! The colour, maybe!"
"And the purple bracelet?"
"That I'm against domestic violence!"
"Um, Bob. Isn't everybody against domestic violence and cancer?"
"I dunno, Ian. You're not wearing anything on your wrist, are you?"
"Just my Rolex. What's that say about me?"
"That you're a self-involved, shallow capitalist pig. And that you probably have a huge carbon footprint. And you also enjoy domestic violence and support cancer-causing pollution in the service of making money for large corporations raping Mother Earth."
"Nice talking to you, Bob. Enjoy your bracelets and your smug sense of superiority."
Har dee har har har.
Labels: opinion
posted by Andrew Hamm @ 8:58 AM
6 Comments:
At 7/22/2007 1:20 PM ,
Joey Fanelli said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
At 7/22/2007 1:21 PM ,
Joey Fanelli said...
I hate wearing those bracelets. I only bought a Livestrong one because a certain precent of the proceeds went to cancer research. Although it's probably a better idea to just donate directly to cancer research.
At 7/22/2007 5:19 PM ,
Scott Wichmann said...
I have a red one that says RED SOX NATION. Sweeet.
At 7/22/2007 6:36 PM ,
Frank Creasy said...
Okay, Scott's bracelet is okay even though I'm not a Red Sox fan! And Scott - SO awesome to see you last night, we'll hook up again soon brother! BIG time kudos to you and Jennie and David - really, a terrific show even if the audience was stiff.
Andrew - the bracelet thing, I agree, is symptomatic of the dumbing down of America overall. On the one hand, I hate to be cynical or denigrate anything that supports positive energy and effort, given the culture of negativity around us - and that, to me, seems the only real defense and purpose for such bracelets. But on the OTHER hand...I agree with the author. It's like those bumper stickers that proclaim "I love my kids." That's a point of PRIDE? As if that distinguishes you somehow? I mean, really!
Finally Andrew - weather permitting (and flight back to Richmond from Indianpolis arriving on schedule), I'll be in the house for the Thursday (26th) performance. VERY much looking forward to it!
At 7/23/2007 9:45 AM ,
Anonymous said...
I hate those bracelets. They're probably the dumbest thing ever. I think I'll announce to the world my meager altruism by wearing a $2 rubber bracelet which is uncomfortable and made of non-replacable petrochemicals. Woohoo!
At 8/03/2007 10:57 PM ,
Anonymous said...
I recently was part of a focus retreat with some of my school staff and attention was called to a rubber band one of the teachers had aquired as a reminder to not complain and make negative statements. At one point in the meeting I expressed my observations on an issue punctuated with, "I'm not wearing a rubber band."
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