Ian Robinson on Rubber Bracelets
from "Issue Transcends Bumper-Sticker Politics"
BY IAN ROBINSON
"What's that ugly yellow thing around your wrist, Bob?"
"Why it's a Lance Armstrong bracelet! It announces to the world that I'm against cancer! It says: Livestrong!"
"What's the pink one mean?"
"That I'm against breast cancer!"
"You find it necessary to announce that? Have you ever met anybody in favour of breast cancer? And besides, doesn't the yellow bracelet cover off the pink bracelet?"
"No! It's different!"
"I dunno! The colour, maybe!"
"And the purple bracelet?"
"That I'm against domestic violence!"
"Um, Bob. Isn't everybody against domestic violence and cancer?"
"I dunno, Ian. You're not wearing anything on your wrist, are you?"
"Just my Rolex. What's that say about me?"
"That you're a self-involved, shallow capitalist pig. And that you probably have a huge carbon footprint. And you also enjoy domestic violence and support cancer-causing pollution in the service of making money for large corporations raping Mother Earth."
"Nice talking to you, Bob. Enjoy your bracelets and your smug sense of superiority."
Har dee har har har.