Andrew Hamm: the Bipolar Express

Ruminations on theatre, music, and just about anything else that crosses my bipolar brain.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

I Dream of Toys...

When I was a kid, I used to dream about toys I wanted.

Now I don't dream very often, or at least I don't often awaken remembering my dreams. This has always annoyed the heck out of me, especially when people talk about their very active dream lives. No fewer than two people in the past three weeks have told me I was in their dreams. Thanks for rubbing it in.

So when I do have a dream I remember, it's like a special event. In fact, I still have some birthday cake left over from Saturday. Perhaps I'll have myself some.

Being a fairly practical person, my dreams weren't just about playing with toys, or about being in a room full of toys. My dreams were about buying toys for myself. The dream would go something like this: I'm in Toys R Us and there's a huge sale of some kind. So huge, in fact, that the most amazing Transformers, G.I. Joes, and/or Lego sets are being sold for pennies on the dollar. I fill my cart with the toys of my dreams, confident that while I'm not wealthy, my $20 will buy hundreds of dollars worth of toys!

Then I would wake up, and Christmas changes into Arbor Day. The sadness would be crushing in the wake of such a subconscious bait-and-switch; in that odd place between sleep and waking it really felt like something beautiful had been taken away from me unfairly.

Last night, I dreamt that Karen and I were house-hunting, something which has never actually happened in the real world. We came across a charming house in a hilly neighborhood, and when we went inside, the house seemed to expand, TARDIS-like into far more space than it appeared to have on the outside. Room after room opened up to us; a huge jacuzzi tub in the master bath, a well-wired space for my studio, and a living room perfect for home theatre. Every room was more spacious and beautiful than the last, but it wasn't at all unrealistic or dreamlike. The price of this gigantic space: a modest $180,000. We could afford this house!

Then I woke up. It seemed so real that I was absolutely crushed for a few seconds, like someone had ripped out a chunk of my heart.

Transformers and now houses. I guess I must be growing up, huh?


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