Ask Andrew: Caveman versus Astronaut

Today's question comes from Joey, who asks me many questions on a daily basis. Joey asks:

I may have asked you this before, but I would like the most in-depth answer that only a blog can present:

Who would be the victor in a fight between an astronaut and a caveman? Here are the rules:

I. There is no setting for the fight, therefore the contestants are unable to use the enviroment to their advantage.
II. Since the astronaut is obviously of higher intelligence then the caveman, the caveman is allowed to use a wooden club to make up for this mental indiffrence.
III. No outside interfierences are allowed.
IV. No kicks to the groin are permitted.
V. The theme song is Survivior's "Eye of the Tiger", and it plays in loop through out the fight.

That's easy. The astronaut wins. As soon as "Eye of the Tiger" starts playing, the caveman freaks out at hearing this magical sound from wherever it's coming. Astronaut just whacks him on the head with a telescope while he's cowering.

Thanks for this important question, Joey. I'm sure all of my readers have been quivering with anticipation waiting for the answer to this all-important question.