Andrew Hamm: the Bipolar Express

Ruminations on theatre, music, and just about anything else that crosses my bipolar brain.

Friday, August 22, 2008

If Lovecraft wrote ad copy

This is one of the most enjoyable things I have ever read. It's on mcsweeneys.net, but I found it linked to at reason.com.

Here are a couple excerpts from "Selections from HP Lovecraft's brief tenure as a Whitman's Sampler copywriter:"

White Chocolate Truffle

What black arts could have stripped this chocolate of its natural hue? The horror of the unearthly, corpselike pallor of this truffle's complexion is only offset by its fiendish deliciousness.

Dark Chocolate Fudge

Dark! All-encompassing, eternal darkness! Human eyes cannot penetrate the stygian blackness of this unholy confection!


Peanut Butter Cup

In 1856, a fisherman from a tiny hamlet on the New England coast made a terrible pact with serpentine beasts from beneath the sea, that he might create the most delicious sweet seen upon the Earth since the days of the great Elder Race. Thus was forged the satanic pact between peanut butter and chocolate that resulted in the mutant offspring you see before you!

Toffee Nugget

Few men dare ask the question "What is toffee, exactly?" All those who have investigated this substance are now either dead or insane.

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1 Comments:

  • At 8/22/2008 9:39 PM , Blogger Mr. Grant Mudge said...

    ANYtime a writer uses Stygian blackness or Plutonian shore, I'm all over that.

    Especially if they're writing about chocolate.

    I would buy the chocoloates just to encourage the writer! Okay, mostly to encourage the writer.

     

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