Andrew Hamm: the Bipolar Express

Ruminations on theatre, music, and just about anything else that crosses my bipolar brain.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

All Things Loud and Stupid

Man, watching NFL games on Fox is just wonderful fodder for blogs every Sunday. Heck, the commercials alone are gold. Here are a few thoughts:

1) This year, Fox is blaring the national feed commercials at least 25% louder than the game broadcast. It's making me wish my radio simulcast wasn't so far out of sync; I can't stand having to turn the volume down every time they take a commercial break. Please, Fox: have mercy on my ears.

2) I am so incredibly sick of the "Iron Man" truck commercials. Aside from the fact that I hate the song "Iron Man" (largely because it has nothing to do with Tony Stark, Iron Man, my favorite comic book character of all time), I really don't need the same commercial every break, sometimes twice.

3) The Nissan Titan Heisman trophy commercial is almost as dumb as the football robot. Aside from the moronic image of buffaloes, cowboys, Trojans, hornets, a tornado, and what I'm assuming is a dump-truck-sized bouncing buckeye assaulting Manhattan streets, the Heisman is an individual award. Show me the individual candidates charging through the streets, not emblems of their teams.

4) Put the emblems of the teams in the National Championship commercial instead of the guys in uniform climbing giant ladders into the sky to reach pointlessly toward a giant crystal football suspended in mid-air. Seriously: almost as dumb as the robot. Very very close.

5) "Army Strong" is an infinitely better slogan than "An Army of One." As my father once said, " 'An Army of One.' To hell with all the other guys."

6) Tony Siragusa is incredibly stupid and may be the single most annoying and worthless sideline reporter of all time.

7) Even if the Redskins get the rest of their team together into contender quality, the secondary is so embarassingly bad that the team stands no chance.

At 1:36 PM, the Fox feed is so messed up that the picture is squashed into the top half of the screen and the bottom half is a bunch of flashing blue/black/white digital static. I know the weather on the East Coast is really bad, but can our technology really not compensate for rain? Ooh, now it's red!

Seriously, I think the flashing screen is giving me a migraine. Maybe I'll just turn on the radio.

At 1:39, it's green.

Whoa, now it's gone entirely.

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  • At 11/12/2006 3:44 PM , Blogger Joey Fanelli said...

    I. At night, i listen to the Fox AM station on my radio, the Fox news network thingy. I forget the station number, but it was Micheal Savage on, and more imporntantly, Coast To Coast AM. And, trust me, it has to be more then 25%. Sometimes I just say "screw it" and throw on a pair of headphones and listen to the Beatles.

    II. I do not watch much television, so this i cannot comment on. Maybe if i show them my Fox robot song, they will let me write a new one (why do I keep talking about that?).

    III. Nothing is dumber then the Fox robot. Nothing.

    IV. Close, but once agian, no cigar.

    V. I'd like to see an army of one try and fight a room full of disgruntled Fox robots, let alone an army of thousands.

    VI. Well he is from New Jersey.

    VII. At least their not the Raiders.

  • At 11/12/2006 4:18 PM , Blogger Andrew Hamm said...

    The Fox robot is not Army Strong.

    Optimus Prime is.

  • At 11/12/2006 4:35 PM , Blogger Joey Fanelli said...

    And Chuck Norris. He's Army, Navy, and Air Force strong all at once.


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