NFL Picks Week 3

After week two, the tally is as follows:

Peter King: 10-6 (20-12 on the season), looking very much like a professional NFL analyst.
Andrew Hamm: 8-8 (16-16), looking very much like I have no idea what I'm talking about.
George Washington: 8-8 (14-18), looking very much like a random coin toss.
Ryan Capps: 10-6 (19-15), looking very much retro in his Nate Newton jersey.
Rick Olson: 11-5, looking very much like a newcomer to the event.

I was ruminating on the Dallas Cowboys at work today, and I came to an interesting conclusion: take away their early-'90s winning seasons and they're the Washington Redskins. Upper management thinks they know more about football than the wisdom of their choices demonstrates. Quarterback after quarterback fails to impress. Streaky play, just enough to give the fan base hope for next season--every season. Splashy signings yielding limited results. Consistent inconsistency. Stat you probably don't know: The NFC East team with the fewest playoff wins in the past 14 years (1) is the Cowboys.

The difference? In 2010 the Redskins have Bruce Allen and Mike Shanahan. The Cowboys have Jerry Jones and Wade Phillips. Until Jerry Jones has the "Hallelujah I need to hire some football experts and get my ego out of their way" moment Dan Snyder had after the 2009 fiasco, the Cowboys are going nowhere. Trust me; I know from experience.

On with the picks. I'm doing my part early, as I'll be at Sycamore Rouge all day tomorrow directing for the 24-Hour Experience. You should come see it!

Cleveland Browns (0-2) at Baltimore Ravens (1-1)

• Peter: Ravens. Ravens have won four straight in the series by an average of 19 points. If the Browns could run the ball even a little bit, they could threaten to make a game of this on the road in Crabcakeville. (I really miss the halftime crab crakes at M&T Bank Stadium.) But they can't.
• Me: Ravens. Not a chance.
• George: Browns.
• Ryan: Ravens.
• Rick: Ravens.

Buffalo Bills (0-2) at New England Patriots (1-1)

• Peter: Patriots. Stat You'll Get Sick Of Hearing This Weekend Dept.: Patriots have beaten Buffalo 13 times in a row. And the Bills are bad again this year, and they're starting Harvard's Ryan Fitzpatrick at quarterback, and C.J. Spiller has been swallowed up by the mediocrity (eight carries for nine yards in two games). Western New York optimism level: zero point zero, with apologies to Dean Wormer.
• Andrew: Patriots. They might win by 30 points.
• George: Bills.
• Ryan: Patriots.
• Rick: Patriots.

Atlanta Falcons (1-1) at New Orleans Saints (2-0)

• Peter: Saints. Tempted to pick the Falcons after New Orleans' short week following an unimpressive performance on Monday night and the loss of Reggie Bush. In the last four meetings between the teams, the score is Saints 110, Falcons 109. But I've picked against the Saints too much already this year. They're pretty good.
• Andrew: Saints. As long as New Orleans continues to win games while they're not playing their best, I'm going to keep picking them to repeat.
• George: Falcons. George is really into the away teams this week.
• Ryan: Falcons.
• Rick: Falcons.

Tennessee Titans (1-1) at New York Giants (1-1)

• Peter: Titans. Given that Joseph Addai ran like O.J. Simpson against the Giants last week (and I mean the O.J. of 1972), what's Chris Johnson going to do this week? I'm stunned at the papier-mâché effort the Giants' front put up in Indy last week. No other team is getting less production out of more money spent on the defensive line than the Giants.
• Andrew: Titans. I am sooooo close to picking the New York upset here... 
• George: Titans.
• Ryan: Giants.
• Rick: Giants.

Cincinnati Bengals (1-1) at Carolina Panthers (0-2)

• Peter: Bengals. A creditable first NFL start for Jimmy Clausen, but I say he'll be done in by some exotic blitzes from Bengals defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer -- and because the Bengals cover better than Clausen was used to seeing at Notre Dame.
• Andrew: Bengals. I'm starting to feel like a weenie for agreeing with King, but there aren't as many ambiguous matchups this week as we've seen so far.
• George: Panthers. It's gonna be a long week for George.
• Ryan: Bengals.
• Rick: Bengals.

Pittsburgh Steelers (2-0) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-0)

• Peter: Steelers. Great point by reader and longtime Pittsburgh TV personality John Steigerwald to me this week: "I'm on a new futile crusade," he said. "The goal is the end of the field goal. In the three games involving AFC North teams [Sunday], the winning teams had a total of 12 field goals and NO offensive touchdowns. Boring.'' Sorry, John. Two more field goals by the Steelers this week, but Charlie Batch does enough to get a win and send the Steelers to 3-0.
• Andrew: Steelers. Raise your hand if you predicted that Tampa would start the season 2-0 and Dallas 0-2. Anyone?... Anyone?... Bueller?...
• George: Buccaneers. George likes pirates.
• Ryan: Steelers.
• Rick: Steelers.

San Francisco 49ers (0-2) at Kansas City Chiefs (2-0)

• Peter: 49ers. I guess you're going to call this an upset, because the Niners are 0-2 and the Chiefs 2-0. But think of this: If two weeks ago you had forecast the winner of San Francisco at Kansas City, who would you have picked? And think of this, too: If the Niners had turned the ball over one fewer time Monday night against New Orleans, there's a very good chance we all would have been talking about San Francisco upsetting the Super Bowl champs.
• Andrew: 49ers. See above, re: undefeated and unlikely. It ends here.
• George: Chiefs. Man, Washington is the upset capital of the NFL world this week.
• Ryan: Chiefs.
• Rick: 49ers.

Detroit Lions (0-2) at Minnesota Vikings (0-2)

• Peter: Vikings. Nothing comes easy for the Men of Childress this year, but they're fortunate to get the Lions at home when they really need a win. I think if Brett Favre and Bernard Berrian can't get on the same wavelength, Favre has to turn to the next-best weapon -- Greg Camarillo -- and lobby Childress again to get Javon Walker back in the house. For now, I say he should wear the extra-large should pads this week. Ndamukong Suh's coming to town.
• Andrew: Vikings. Minnesota has big problems, but losing to Detroit simply won't be one of them.
• George: Lions. Jeez; GW is going for 0-16 this week.
• Ryan: Vikings.
• Rick: Vikings.

Dallas Cowboys (0-2) at Houston Texans (2-0)

• Peter: Texans. Toughest game of the week to call, in part because of the suspension of left tackle Duane Brown of the Texans. Imagine you're Rashad Butler, and you're starting your first NFL game at left tackle, and though you're going to get some help, you've got DeMarcus Ware with the fast-twitch movements coming around the corner for three hours. Yikes. But I'm counting on Arian Foster to eat up the clock and make Ware play run defense more than he'd like.
• Andrew: Texans. It will be close, but I believe in Wade Phillips' innate ability to wreck this Dallas team despite their imposing, albeit overrated, talent.
• George: Texans. Finally, some sense.
• Ryan: Texans.
• Rick: Cowboys.

Philadelphia Eagles (1-1) at Jacksonville Jaguars (1-1)

• Peter: Eagles. The Eagles' offensive line is the worst it's been in a decade, and deep down, that had to play some part in Andy Reid's decision to go to Michael Vick on Tuesday. Vick's never been sacked more than three times a game on average in any previous season. He's gone down nine times in six quarters this year. But the big difference in this game, even if the Jags send the house more often than usual, is that Vick is more accurate than he's been before. Granted it's only a game and a half, but that's a big factor in how well he's playing, and I think it continues in Jacksonville.
• Andrew: Jaguars. Finally some dissent. An Eagles win wouldn't surprise me, but Michael Vick stepping right back into 2006 form does. I believe his good play of the past couple weeks is the aberration, and he's due to come down this week. The Jags will play tough and eke it out.
• George: Jaguars.
• Ryan: Eagles.
• Rick: Jaguars.

Washington Redskins (1-1) at St. Louis Rams (0-2)

• Peter: Redskins. After this one, the Redskins will be a Schaub-to-Johnson bomb from 3-0. This one's a little scary because injuries start to make the offensive line shaky.
• Andrew: Redskins. Yeah, Peter, but the 'Skins are also a fumble return away from being 0-2. I'll take a 2-1 start, though.
• George: Rams.
• Ryan: Redskins.
• Rick: Redskins.

Indianapolis Colts (1-1) at Denver Broncos (1-1)

• Peter: Colts. There's no chapter in the Head Coaching Manual about dealing with the suicide of a player, then getting one's emotions in check in time to defend one of the best quarterbacks ever to play. Sorry, Josh McDaniels, but this is a cruel business sometimes.
• Andrew: Colts. Even without emotional distraction, the Colts are just better.
• George: Broncos.
• Ryan: Colts.
• Rick: Colts.

Oakland Raiders (1-1) at Arizona Cardinals (1-1)

• Peter: Cardinals. Derek Anderson saves his job for a couple of weeks, but he knows Max Hall is in the bullpen, and Ken Whisenhunt won't hesitate to go to his reliever.
• Andrew: Raiders. Gradkowski seems to bring a spark to this Raiders team for some reason. Giving up on Jason Campbell after less than two games is typical Raider nonsense. Redskin fans, Cowboy fans: at least our owner isn't Al Davis. Hey-o!
• George: Cardinals.
• Ryan: Cardinals.
• Rick: Raiders.

San Diego Chargers (1-1) at Seattle Seahawks (1-1)

• Peter: Chargers. Get the ball to Golden Tate more, Pete Carroll, and you've got a heck of a chance to win this one. Last week, Tate returned a punt for 63 yards and caught a pass for 52. That's why he was drafted. He needs more touches.
• Andrew: Chargers. I've been sick all week. I'm entitled to an arbitrary choice. 
• George: Seahawks.
• Ryan: Chargers.
• Rick: Chargers.

New York Jets (1-1) at Miami Dolphins (2-0)

• Peter: Dolphins. This doesn't have as much to do with the Braylon Edwards distraction and the probable absence of Darrelle Revis as it does recent history. Last season, Miami swept the Jets and put up 61 points on them; Chad Henne played better against the league's top-ranked defense than he did against Buffalo. Some teams just match up well.
• Andrew: Jets. All the above reasons are why I think the Jets will bring a good game.
• George: Dolphins.
• Ryan: Dolphins.
• Rick: Dolphins.

Green Bay Packers (2-0) at Chicago Bears (2-0)

• Peter: Packers. Closer than you think? That's because Mike Martz is figuring ways to get the ball out of Jay Cutler's right hand faster than the defense can get to Cutler. Smart. Because the line's not going to get fixed this year. I see Aaron Rodgers outdueling Cutler, though.
• Andrew: Packers. I totally agree with Peter. This game will be closer than we're accustomed to seeing Pack-Bears games, but Rodgers is too much for the Bears. Chicago's only hope is for the "new" Jay Cutler we've seen the past two weeks to be the oasis, not the mirage. My fantasy football team hopes so, too.
• George: Packers.
• Ryan: Packers.
• Rick: Packers.

We have a ton of unanimity. Looks like a lot of one-sided match-ups. This week will either be very boring or else very very interesting.

NFL Picks 2010: Me vs an expert and a random coin toss - Week 1

A few years back (okay, it was 11), I wrote an NFL column for a now-defunct website wherein I argued that the league's parity was such that a random coin flip was as good a prognosticator as any. Over a decade later, with worst-to-first and first-to-worst finishes happening every season, I think it's even more true.

So I thought I'd continue the tradition, at least until I get tired of it. I'm going to pick the winners (no scores or points against the spread, just straight-up winners) and compare my record with that of my favorite NFL writer, SI's Peter King, and a random coin toss, a USA quarter which I will affectionately refer to as George. At the risk of being sued or killed, I'm going to go ahead and copy-and-paste PK's content rather than linking to it. It's copyright SI and all that jazz.

Anyone else want to throw in their hat? I'll keep your stats too. I'm also going to throw in references to whatever music I'm listening to while I write because that's awesome. EDIT: Ryan Capps has added picks. Broncon Pride Ever!


I'm backdating a bit this week because I forgot to do this Wednesday night. Trust me, I picked the Saints before the game was played.

To the tune of Liquid Tension Experiment:

Minnesota Vikings at New Orleans Saints

• Peter King: Saints. That this is the first game of the year saddens me. I wish the NFL had saved it until a Sunday night in Sweeps Month (November). But since it's being played now, a couple of thoughts: In the NFC title game eight months ago, Minnesota turned the ball over five times to just once for the Saints, and still New Orleans had to go to overtime to win. So don't tell me that missing Sidney Rice dooms the Vikes. I don't buy it. Thought about this one for a long time, and the difference came down to New Orleans defensive coordinator Gregg Williams. His schemes led to the Saints so battering Brett Favre last January that even without excellent blitzing Saints safety Darren Sharper in Thurday's game, Williams, I figure, will come up with a few ways to torment Favre.
• Me: Saints. I think Brees and company have an excellent chance to repeat, and I think Brett Favre's gunslinging isn't going to work so well this year with a depleted receiving corps. Not to mention his lack of practice with the receivers he does have.
• George: Saints. Smart man, considering this coin was flipped 36 hours after the game ended.
• Ryan: Saints.

Cleveland Browns at Tampa Bay Buccaneers

• Peter King: Browns. Jake Delhomme's been to the Pirate Ship a few times, and he starts his season of redemption with a respectable outing against the Rookie League Bucs.
• Me: Brownies. This game is a coin toss (stop laughing so hard, Mr. President), but I'm banking on the superior experience of Jake Delhomme. Let the battle for the first pick in the 2011 draft begin.
• George: Buccaneers.
• Ryan: Browns.

Miami Dolphins at Buffalo Bills

• Peter King: Dolphins. A spirited effort by the feisty Bills, with C.J. Spiller topping 100 yards on the ground in his first NFL game. But I see the Dolphins' new bookend rush combination, Cameron Wake and Koa Misi, bothering Trent Edwards enough to force a couple turnovers.
• Me:Dolphins. The Buffalo Bills are serious contenders this year. For the worst NFL team ever fielded. 
• George: Bills. George is a sucker for an underdog.
• Ryan: Dolphins.

Cincinnati Bengals at New England Patriots

• Peter King: Bengals. I'm not even sure I'd call this an upset. Without Leigh Bodden in the secondary, New England goes with a very young Big East alumni corner tandem -- rookie Devin McCourty (Rutgers) and second-year man Darius Butler (UConn) are likely to start -- and Chad Ochocinco and Terrell Owens should have some schooling in store for them.
• Me: Patriots. How is this amazing game slipping under the radar this week? I really dislike TO, though I have to confess that I love Chad Eightfive's antics like a milkshake. But I think Owens learned some genuine humility in Buffalo last year, and as long as there are enough balls to share they will both be happy and productive. Not this week, though. Watch for a rematch of this game in the playoffs.
• George:Bengals. George says that Chad Ochocinco reminds him of a young John Hancock. So bold, so outspoken.
• Ryan: Patriots.

Indianapolis Colts at Houston Texans

• Peter King: Texans. This is your chance, Texans. Time to throw off the can't-beat-Indy tag. Time to forget the 1-5 division record last year. No team has aimed for the opener the way the Texans have since the schedule came out in April. The difference: Arian Foster will control the clock the way Peyton Manning always does. Feed him, Gary Kubiak.
• Me: King, you're out of your mind. Colts.
• George: Texans.
• Ryan: Colts.

Denver Broncons at Jacksonville Jaguars

• Peter King: Jaguars. Yes, Tim Tebow will get in the game. No, he won't be effective enough.
• Me: Jaguars. Denver is a mess. Will we see Tebow this week? Will his play be worthy of a highlight reel on its own merits, or just because he's inexplicably the top-selling jersey in the NFL? By the way, I'm misspelling it "BRONCONS" all season long in honor of the error-filled bootleg Boise State cap I bought while wandering the streets around FedEx Field late Monday night. I really should have asked Ryan Capps if he wanted to do this too. EDIT: Obviously Ryan is now doing it. Broncon Pride Ever!
• George: Jaguars. We are unanimous.
• Ryan: Jaguars.

Atlanta Falcons at Pittsburgh Steelers

• Peter King: Steelers. Fascinated about the Dennis Dixon Effect. A few guys in the Steelers locker room didn't think he was getting a fair shot to win the job in camp, behind the now-injured Byron Leftwich, and now that Dixon's the guy, I think the energy boost could pay dividends Sunday. He's going to be fun to watch. Key to the game for Atlanta: Rookie Sean Weatherspoon, in his first NFL game, trying to corral Dixon the way he corralled all those Big 12 mobile quarterbacks.
• Me: Falcons. The NFL offseason was an unholy trinity of distraction storylines, with a triune anti-deity composed of Favre, Haynesworth and Roethlisberger. Peter is somehow convinced that the Steelers have a Super Bowl championship waiting at the end of their black-and-gold rainbow. I'd like some of whatever cigar he's smoking. because he can probably afford some really nice cigars.
• George: Falcons.
• Ryan: Falcons.

Oakland Raiders at Tennessee Titans

• Peter King: Titans. So many close games this weekend ... and in Nashville, Chris Johnson takes a tattooing from a physical Raiders D but still gets his 12th straight 100-yard game.
• Me: Raiders. Yes, Tennessee is a better team. I just have a feeling about this one. And I suspect Jason Campbell is going to be slinging rainbows in Oakland to Al Davis' senile, drooling, Depends-wearing delight for the next few years. Let's see how many "Al Davis is really quite old" jokes I can make this season! I count three so far.
• George: Titans. George is a HUGE Chris Johnson fan.
• Ryan: Titans.

Carolina Panthers at New York Giants

• Peter King: Giants. I worry about Eli Manning behind an offensive line that enters the season unusually beat up, so much so that a Panthers win wouldn't surprise me. But this is the day the Giants start playing defense the way they played under former coordinator Steve Spagnuolo, and that's bad news for Matt Moore.
• Me: Giants. Carolina is a bit of a mystery with so many of the past decade's key faces gone this year, and I just think the NFC East is going to beat the hell out of the rest of the conference all year long.
• George: Panthers.
• Ryan: Giants.

Detroit Lions at Chicago Bears

• Peter King: Bears. Oh, I want to pick the Lions. I think the Suh-Vanden Bosch left side of the defensive front is going to be a 16-game tormentor, and I agree with GM Martin Mayhew, who said this week, "We have the potential to be a pretty decent team." But I think the Bears win a slobberknocker, and Jay Cutler is the key figure in it.
• Me: Okay, I'll pick the Lions. King, you wuss.
• George: Lions.
• Ryan: Lions.

Arizona Cardinals at St. Louis Rams

• Peter King: Cardinals. I love how Darnell Dockett says he wants to now outplay his third contract in the desert. Well, this game's a great time to start. He's had sacks in three of his past five games against the Rams, and Sam Bradford will be starting his first NFL game. Better get it out quick, Sam.
• Me: Rams. I like Sam Bradford better than any QB on Arizona's roster, even grandfathering in Matt Leinart. This is the Battle of the Rebuilding, and I think the Rams are in for a long long season of sucking, but I think they win this one.
• George: Rams. George says that "Samuel Bradford" sounds like the kind of name that should be on the Declaration of Independence. Notice he didn't have any comments on the name "Ndomukong Suh." Is Ndukwe Kalu still in the league? Gosh I love that dude's name.
• Ryan: Rams.

Green Bay Packers at Philadelphia Eagles

• Peter King: Packers. They last met on opening day 2007, and it was McNabb vs. Favre that day. Now it's Kolb-Rodgers, of course, and as on that day, the Packers QB is more experienced and, as I see it, the winner (Sept. 9, 2007: Pack 16, Eagles 13.) Look for Packers' defensive coordinator Dom Capers to throw lots of looks at Kolb in his opener as the Eagles' quarterback, and look for some of those rushes to hit home.
• Me: Packers. Let me state for the record here that I see no practical, logical reason to believe in Kevin Kolb. Yet. The Packers, I believe, are headed to Dallas in February.
• George: Eagles. Ah, George, you wooden-toothed contrarian you.
• Ryan: Packers.

San Francisco 49ers at Seattle Seahawks

• Peter King: 49ers. Before the game, Pete Carroll hustles through the calisthenics line. "Say a Hail Mary! Say a Hail Mary!'' Ooooops. Had him confused with Gerry Faust there for a minute. I like Seattle's effort this summer. I like Carroll starting Justin Forsett. I like a lot about what Carroll and GM John Schneider have done. But I like the San Francisco linebackers a lot more than that. And maybe I've been swayed by impressive August performances during which Alex Smith got the ball out very fast against Minnesota and Oakland, but I think he's going to have a pretty good year, starting this weekend. Plus, no Russell Okung at left tackle for the 'Hawks. Not good.
• Me: No idea. I'm just going with whomever George doesn't pick.
• George: 49ers.
• Me: Okay, Seahawks.
• Ryan: Seahawks.

Dallas Cowboys at Washington Redskins

• Peter King: Cowboys. Jim Haslett's guys get in six or eight great shots on Tony Romo, who takes a licking but keeps on throwing. As Cris Collinsworth will say in the middle of the third quarter: "Romo's getting hit more than Rocky Balboa! How's he staying upright?!'' That's why they pay him the big money, Cris.
• Me: Ah, the weekly Redskins game, where my burgundy-and-gold heart has to take a backseat to my Vulcan football brain. I have to state here that I pick the Cowboys to be one of the most disappointing teams of the season. Their talent is not nearly as good as their hype (with the exception of their deep stable of running backs), and even if it was, one has to remember that their head coach is still Wade Phillips. WADE PHILLIPS. But the Redskins are not a team yet, despite Mike Shanahan doing everything 100% right in the Fat Albert situation. That said, I think the Cowboys' running attack exploits some of the weaknesses I saw in Washington's preseason rush D. They're going to have to, because I don't think Tony Romo is going to finish the game under center. I predict a Cowboys win despite four-plus sacks.
• George: Cowboys. George, you bastard. Rooting against the home team of the town named after you. I'd call you a Benedict Arnold except for the fact that you knew Benedict Arnold.
• Ryan: Cowboys.

Baltimore Ravens at New York Jets

• Peter King: Jets. You mean there's life after "Hard Knocks?'' There is, and his name is Shonn Greene. I think Greene and a fresh LaDainian Tomlinson will win the day in the Meadowlands.
• Me: Ravens. The Jets will compete with Dallas all year in the "biggest disappointment in the NFL" category, while Baltimore just miiiiiight be the best team in the league.
• George: Ravens.
• Ryan: Ravens.

San Diego Chargers at Kansas City Chiefs

• Peter King: Chargers. Someone asked me which team to pick this week in the knockout pool, and I said San Diego. There really is not a good one. Even in this one, Dexter McCluster has a chance to wreck this game for the Chargers. I look for the Chiefs to use him in four or five spots and let him be the player Darren Sproles is for San Diego.
• Me: Chargers.
• George: Chargers.
• Ryan: Chargers.

So there you have it. Feel free to chime in with your picks.

PHILLES WIN!

THE PHILLIES ARE THE 2008 WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS!

I knew this team could do it, I just didn't know if they would, it being a Philadelphia team and all.

First of all: bravo to the Rays. They have much to be proud of and nothing to be ashamed of. I don't see them catching that same kind of lightning in a bottle again in a division containing Boston and New York, but they were a great team from start to finish. Bravo to Joe Maddon, who absolutely must be MLB Manager of the Year.

Cheers to Cole Hamels, Series MVP (he got a new Camaro, and gave it to his wife immediately to celebrate her birthday), and to Brad Lidge, whose perfect season as a closer continued all the way through a series-clinching save. Wow. Record books. And Charlie Manuel: thanks for erasing or justifying years of almost with Tito Francona and Larry Bowa.

This team reminds me a lot of the 2004 Red Sox. Both championships feel less like the result of one season and more like the culmination of a half-decade of drafting, building, struggling, failing and growing. The Phils have been almost there for a decade, broke through last year, and took over tonight. They were no one's World Series favorite at the beginning of the postseason. It doesn't matter.

Boston-Philly next year? We were so close!

The Philles should be a Series contender for years to come. What a feeling!!!! I have had such a terrible week (actually a terrible 2008); it felt good to jump up and down and scream myself hoarse for my boys J Roll, Ryan, Cole, Shane and Lidge.

The only problem is that I left my Cooperstown Collection Mike Schmidt jersey at the Coles'. I may have to make a special trip to Oregon Hill tomorrow just to get it. Not even joking.

The Phillies are in the World Series!

The rebuilding is over. Next year is this year, finally. No more Braves, no more Mets, no more freaking Marlins. We can stop talking about the team of Carlton and Schmidt, or even Krukie and Wild Thing, and enjoy J-Roll, Hamels, Howard, and Lidge.

After 15 years as NL also-rans, all potential never realized, not quite spending enough money, not quite drafting well enough, not getting quite the right free agents, it has all come together in this chance to win the whole thing.

The Series starts Wednesday, and the Phils will be mightily rested. Now if only the Red Sox can come back from 3-1 (it's not like we haven't seen it before), my ultimate sports dream/nightmare will come true.

ESPN's Jayson Stark on the Phillies.

Stop and go

I've been reading about the Redskins' victory over the Eagles this morning, doing my usual scanning of the major sports websites to read reports and commentary. Everybody is now officially impressed.

But there's a big point being missed, one that no one at ESPN, SI, Sportsline, or anywhere else seems to have caught: In reporting that the Redskins have out-gained the Eagles and Cowboys on the ground 364 yards to 102, everyone is focusing on the Redskins' offensive line and Clinton Portis. That's fine, I love Portis (pictured) and have long been a proponent of the idea that any offense is only as good as its offensive line.

What's being missed is the performance of the Redskins' run defense, and that's going to be a factor this year. Yes, the Cowboys inexplicably stopped handing the ball off, and the Eagles' Brian Westbrook came into the game injured and missed a couple series. But Philly was stopped twice on the 2, and Andre Carter is doing a very good impression of a run-stopper for a dedicated edge pass rusher.

So why no picture of the D-line stopping a Dallas or Philly running back? Shhhhhh. Let's keep this a secret for as long as possible.

My head asplode

Today is too much sports awesomeness for me to handle..

1:05: Washington Redskins at Philadelphia Eagles.

After last week's upset over the Cowboys, arguably the biggest event of the first quarter of the NFL season, the Redskins unbelievably finish their road division schedule in week five. I was expecting a .500 year from my 'Skins this year, especially after that deuce they dropped at the Giants in week one. But after the way the O-line and D-backs have played the past three weeks, I'm almost believing they are an NFC power. Why almost, when many of America's most knowledgeable NFL pundits are penciling them into the playoffs? Because I'm a Redskins fan, and I'm quite accustomed to the heartbreak of Norv Turner and Steve Spurrier teams, not to mention the perpetual teasing almost of Gibbs II: Electric Boogaloo.

(Gibbs II, at least, made the playoffs twice in four years. And he won a playoff game, something the Redskins have done twice since Dallas last won any. Eat that, Cowboys!)

Everyone's talking about the poise of Jason Campbell (Soup!), the punch of Clinton Portis, and the playmaking of Santana Moss, and rightly so. And don't discount the contributions of O-line coach Joe Bugel, who may have finally forged some new Hogs, and defensive coordinator Greg Blanche, whose scheme made Tony Romo look like Tony Danza last week.

(I do wish the Redskins would stop wearing white-on-white, though. It works for teams who have done it for a long time like the Browns and the Chiefs, but there's championship tradition in the white jerseys and burgundy pants. At least they're not wearing dark-on-dark, a hideous look that makes NFL teams look like AFL teams. I would have liked to see the 'Skins switch to the 70th anniversary retro uniforms full-time, but if they're sticking with the classic look, I wish they would wear it in the classic combination.)

Is this finally the year we stop looking to next year? In Jim Zorn, have we finally found the Next Big Coach instead of the Big Name Who Lets Us Down? It's early, but it sure looks that way. We may have replaced The Last Joe Gibbs with The Next Joe Gibbs.

If we win in Philadelphia, I'm officially going from fan to believer.

Speaking of Philadelphia...



1:07: Philadelphia Phillies at Milwaukee Brewers.

I think the entire City of Brotherly Love's head is asplode today, actually. What do you watch, marquee rivalry football game or series-clinching baseball game?

I was really hoping the Phils would win last night. Any game programmed against the Redskins is going to lose for me. The Phightins are relegated to commercial-break status. It isn't that I don't love the Phillies, it's that I lurve the Redskins. I could give you an allegory from my life, but it would only make sense to about three people. Trust me, those three would say "Ohhhhhh, okay, I get it. Yeah, you have to watch the Redskins game, I understand."

So I'm torn between the desire to see the Phillies win the NLDS and the desire to see the 'Skins win in Philly. What do I do if both games are close in the late innings / fourth quarter? My greatest hope is for either the Phillies or Redskins to have it put away by then so I don't feel bad about the bits I miss. Or I watch a gamecast on my laptop while the other game is on TV. Or I buy another TV and set them up side-by-side, as I did in Albany when I was writing a weekly football column. That was cool.

It still hasn't been announced who's starting for Philadelphia, making sports writers' jobs very hard. All I know is that Jeff Suppan is starting for Milwaukee, and Suppan has a strong postseason record. Jobu wake up bats. Series tied 2-2 is very bad. Is very bad.

I have a feeling about Chase Utley today, and about Pedro Feliz. Hence the picture of Pedro Feliz. Move it on to the NLCS, Phils. Give the home town fans something to cheer them after the Redskins beat the Eagles 27-22.



4:15ish: Andrew Hamm at Elsinore Castle.

This is where Andrew works on his lines hardcore. He also works on music for the show. And apparently he refers to himself in the third person.



7:17: Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim at Boston Red Sox.

Beckett is pitching. At Fenway.

Nuff.

Said.



Of course, I have to watch all of this with one eye while the other is studying my lines for Hamlet. It's the Angels - Sox game that's most going to suffer. I promise I'll break away for the final three innings at least.

On a non-sports note, I worked on my lines Friday afternoon in Hollywood Cemetery. I spent a lot of time on 1.1, which features the appearance of Hamlet Sr.'s ghost. While working on that scene, a cat leapt out of the bushes, yowling, startled. Even in mid-day it scared the shit out of me. I responded by silently shouting, "Stay, illusion!" and delivering my speech to the ghost directly at a gravestone. I promised I would remember the name of the man I was addressing, but I can't recall it. It made my heart pound unexpectedly. Cemeteries are scarier to me than I thought they would be.

Working a ghost scene in a graveyard is scary, would basically be the point I'm making here.

Determination Beats Talent

My desire to write about Henley Street's Richard III is being hijacked by my need to memorize my lines for Hamlet and work on music for a house party. For now, I'll stay away from things theatrical and focus brieflly on the Phillies' second-straight NL East title, clinched last night. Also, Jimmy Rollins' quote above is just about the best three-word sentence ever.

Dare I dream? Red Sox-Phillies? Would my head explode?

What the internet needs is another Brett Favre story

So the juicy part of the Brett Favre - Green Bay Packers divorce has ended. Brett keeps his number and his Hall of Fame numbers, the Packers keep the Super Bowl trophy and Aaron Rodgers.

And the New York Jets, of all people, get Favre.

Look at this image, for crying out loud:



That's just wack. Wiggity-wack, not just regular kind.

The New York Jets' website, understandably, is all-Favre now, topped by the typically New York media headline "DO QB-LIEVE IT? BRETT FAVRE IS A JET." "Jet Favre" has cropped up everywhere in the New York media.

Team-wise, it's not a bad fit. WRs Coles and Cotchery, in particular, are good targets for Favre's playing style. But the Jets simply aren't one player away from being a great team, not even a quarterback, not even Brett Favre. Even if Favre totally revitalizes the team after last year's 4-12 record--which I don't expect--the best-case scenario is still looking up at the Patriots all season long. Two Favre-versus-Brady duels this year sound really interesting, though.

The truly bad fit, in my opinion, is Favre and New York City. Hey, I love New York; I lived there. But the only things more likely to eat their young than the New York sports media are the New York sports fans. Turning on their heroes after a single bad play is simply what's expected. Yes, they will turn right back and forgive if you do something spectacular--sometimes--but Favre is extremely prickly and sensitive (and that's putting it quite kindly). There's just no way he's passing for his 2007 totals of 4155 yards, 28 touchdowns, and only 15 interceptions in 2008. His TD-to-INT ratio with the Jets may be close to even, especially as he's learning a new system and new players. He's a mistake-prone gunslinger of a quarterback now playing in a market that inflates and obsesses over mistakes. And it's a town that doesn't have a great history of rewarding quarterbacks since Joe Namath.

Favre is from tiny Hattiesburg, Mississippi, and he played in tiny Green Bay, Wisconsin. Now he's playing in the largest media market in the world. I'm not worried about his learning a new offense, I'm worried about his learning how to get around in a town that discourages driving. I'm worried about his averting his eyes from massive pun-filled headlines exaggerating his last game-turning interception. I'm worried about his reaction to being booed at home for the first time in his career.

It would have been hard to come into a situation in Tampa where he was displacing a Pro Bowl quarterback in Jeff Garcia. This is going to be harder. Much harder. But these are the consequences of what was an emotionally-driven, impulsive retirement.

I wish Brett Favre well (except, of course, when they play the Redskins). But he may find that the game is the easy part of this transition.

What else can Brett Favre do?

(I'm going to assume that most people reading this know what's going on with Brett Favre, and that those who don't know don't care, so no recap.)

I ask you, what else can Brett Favre do?

Obviously, the right choice for Brett is to have simply not retired in the first place, but that's not an option. Favre can still play, he still has the passion, he still has the arm and the skills. He clearly retired in a state of extended despair over seeing one of his best seasons end with another Super Bowl so close but yet so far.

Yes, this is an impossible situation for the Packers. He has sabotaged their training camp, their salary cap, and possibly their season. And if anyone has an idea what he could do differently, I'd love to hear it.

Staying out of the league is not a viable option. He's a future Hall-of-Famer, and he clearly still has starting quarterback skills. He has consistently been the brightest spot on the Packers' roster for 16 years, and he has single-handedly raised them back from their dismal 1980s to being an elite franchise again. For an entire football generation, the Green Bay Packers are #4. In other words, he has earned the benefit of almost every imaginable doubt in Green Bay.

Unfortunately, I don't know what else the Packers can do, either. They have invested confidence and commitment in Aaron Rodgers, and to pull him out of the starting position now, under these kind of circumstances is to most likely ruin him as a starter in Green Bay forever. The Packers have drafted with Rodgers in mind, they have acquired free agents with Rodgers in mind, and they have managed salaries with Favre's retirement in mind. The team simply isn't built for Favre's history, his skills, or his salary now. And it's months too late to change that.

It's an ugly situation, but I think as soon as the parties sit down face to face it will clarify. Both sides will find ways to give to the other; both sides respect each other's perspective. Favre needs to be able to play, period. The Packers need to be able to move on, period. They'll find a way, maybe one that will surprise us all.

In brief...

A bunch of small things, none of which require a full blog entry.

G minus G.

I'm pretty sure Garfield Minus Garfield isn't very funny to me any more. There are too many moments that I recognize from my own life. Poor bipolar Jon. Maybe I'll get to a point when I can laugh my fool ass off at it again, but for now it's too close to a somewhat painful home.

Arena Football.

As I type this, the Philadelphia Soul (my team now that my old team went out of business) is leading the San Jose Saber Cats 44-27 in Arena Bowl XXII. If you're a sports fan and you've never been to an Arena League game, I highly recommend it. It's high-speed, high-scoring, high-skill, rock and roll football. I was in the house when the Albany Firebirds won the Arena Bowl in 2000, and it was one of the best sports experiences of my life. As a bonus, the Arena Bowl is in New Orleans this year.

Now it's 46-27. The Soul have "PHL" in big letters on the fronts of their jerseys.

The Dark Knight.

Overall, Dark Knight is magnificent. Go see it; it's an Iron Man / Spider-Man 2 / X-Men 2 level superhero movie. Heath Ledger is more amazing than you've heard he is.

No big spoilers here, but I had a couple significant beefs with the film. 1) There was no effort whatsoever to make Gotham not look like Chicago. Too many exteriors of the city features wide-open boulevards in a city that had been clearly designed in the previous film as cramped and claustrophobic--you know, like Gotham City. 2) The movie is about 20 minutes too long, in my humble opinion. In retrospect, the subplot with the Asian gangster ended up having much less of an impact on the story than it looked like it was going to, and could have been seriously compressed. Something needed to go; my attention was getting tired in the final act, and a good screenplay trim would have taken care of it.

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army.

This is a love it or hate it movie. I loved it. It looks like all of the cool stuff from Pan's Labyrinth all the time. The first time I saw it I thought the story was thin; the second time I changed my mind. The story isn't thin, the visuals are so dominating that everything else is thin by comparison. Even if you hate the story and the characters, it's just beautiful to watch, and the most delightfully imaginative movie I've seen since The Fellowship of the Ring.

Getting my first manicure and pedicure

was awesome. I will do it again. I probably won't get color on my toenails again unless I go with James Bond.

I would kill James Bond

for his place in Hell's Kitchen. Kill him dead.

James Ricks

came to see Henry IV, Part 2 last night. I was surprised by how thrilled I was to see him. You go, James Ricks. You are awesome. I hope my Hamlet cast and his Richard III cast can find a way to hang together. With those two scripts, we're going to need to lighten things up after rehearsal. It's going to be a great fall for Shakespearean tragedy in Richmond.

Wall-e

I can't believe I still haven't seen it. Liz is going to kick my ass.

Curt Schilling: Hall-of-Famer?

I had been planning to write about this, but ESPN's Jayson Stark makes all the arguments I would have made much better. Here's Stark's essay; click on the link to read some great debate between Stark and emailers afterward.



Monday's topic, courtesy of Nelson from Portland:

"There's only one logical question for this week. Is Curt Schilling a Hall of Famer? I am a huge Sox fan and big Schill supporter. However, I have to say no. The numbers just are not there."

On a November morning five years from now, the 2013 Hall of Fame ballot will show up in my mailbox. And on that ballot, I'll find the kind of name that makes Hall voting so rewarding--and so impossible:

Curt Schilling.

Nelson from Portland says he isn't Hall of Fame worthy. Me? I'm not so sure of that. So let's take a look at Schilling's fascinating Hall of Fame credentials.

THE CASE AGAINST

If you base your Hall decisions just on the old wins column, you won't vote for this man. That seems obvious. His 216 wins are 72 fewer than Tommy John, 71 fewer than Bert Blyleven and 38 fewer than Jack Morris. And none of those guys had a plaque last time I checked.

For that matter, if Schilling has thrown his last pitch, he'll also wind up with fewer wins than Joe Niekro (221) or Dennis Martinez (245). And neither of those guys even made it to a second year on the ballot. So clearly, that's what Nelson is referring to when he says "The numbers just are not there."

THE CASE FOR

Ah, but it depends which numbers you're looking at. And I looked at bunch of other numbers--numbers that rank all righthanded starters from 1992, the year Schilling first moved into the starting rotation in Philadelphia, through 2007, the year he apparently threw his final pitch in Boston. Here's what I found:

Schilling not only led all of them in complete games (with 83), but only one other righthander in the whole sport (Greg Maddux) was closer than 25 CGs away. Just Pedro Martinez had a better strikeout ratio than Schilling (8.59 K/9). Only Pedro and Roger Clemens had more strikeouts than Schilling (3,116) , period. Just Pedro and Maddux had a better WHIP than Schilling (1.137). And nobody had a better strikeout-walk ratio. In fact, Schilling's K/BB ratio (4.38 whiffs for every walk) ranks No. 1 among ALL PITCHERS IN THE MODERN ERA.

So how compelling are those numbers? And I haven't even mentioned October yet--the month in which he did his finest work of all.



Schill has been my favorite active baseball player for 15 years (my fave all-time being Mike Schmidt), and the fact that his marvelous career might have ended with a whimper of shoulder surgery breaks my heart. Today's news on that front is good; the surgery went well and he may be able to start throwing by winter. But even if he's thrown his last pitch he can have no regrets.

I wonder if he's thought about which cap his Hall of Fame bust should wear.

Hank Steinbrenner Is a Jackass.

From the Associated Press:

NEW YORK -- Yankees ace Chien-Ming Wang is expected to be sidelined until at least September after injuring his foot running the bases, prompting club co-chairman Hank Steinbrenner to chastise the National League for playing without a designated hitter

An examination in New York on Monday showed Wang partially tore a tendon and sprained his right foot Sunday during the Yankees' 13-0 interleague win at Houston. He will be on crutches and wear a protective boot for a minimum of six weeks, the latest blow to the team's banged-up pitching staff.

"My only message is simple. The National League needs to join the 21st century," Steinbrenner said in Tampa, Fla. "They need to grow up and join the 21st century.

"Am I [mad] about it? Yes," Steinbrenner added. "I've got my pitchers running the bases, and one of them gets hurt. He's going to be out. I don't like that, and it's about time they address it. That was a rule from the 1800s."

Making a rare appearance on the bases at an NL park, Wang pulled up rounding third and hobbled home on Derek Jeter's single. Wang doubled over after scoring, pointed toward his right foot and was helped off the field.

"This is always a concern of American League teams when their pitchers have to run the bases and they're not used to doing it," Steinbrenner said. "It's not just us. It's everybody. It probably should be a concern for National League owners, general managers and managers when their pitchers run the bases. Pitchers have enough to do without having to do that."



So let me get this straight, Hank, you incompetent imitation of your idiot father. It's the National League's fault for your pitcher stepping awkwardly and injuring himself freakishly. Wang hurt his foot because the National League plays real DH-less baseball, not because he wasn't properly trained to run bases in Spring Training. Maybe you should also blame Houston's pitching staff for giving up a hit to a freaking American League hitter. Or Wang himself for actually swinging.

Maybe, just maybe, pitchers should be expected to be baseball players, too, Hank. Maybe they should have to develop some version of all five baseball tools, instead of just throwing and occasionally covering first base. You know, like ALL PITCHERS had to do until late in the 20th century. Moron.

All I can say about Hank Steinbrenner is that it's a really good time to be a Red Sox fan.

All-Robot Baseball Team

No, Voltron isn't actually a robot, and that's the wrong Optimus Prime, but this is a great article.

For the record, here's the proper Optimus Prime:

Honoring Sean Taylor at the Pro Bowl

From Fox Sports:

Players get final chance to honor Taylor
by Alex Marvez
Updated: February 11, 2008, 12:58 AM EST HONOLULU

Three Washington players entered Sunday's Pro Bowl wearing No. 21 jerseys as homage to late teammate Sean Taylor.

They left Aloha Stadium knowing a new head coach named Saturday will be leading the Redskins upon their return home. In between, the trio played in a 42-30 NFC victory over the AFC.

That convergence of past, present and future events made the Pro Bowl experience unique for tight end Chris Cooley, left tackle Chris Samuels and long snapper Ethan Albright.

"Life goes on and things happen fast, especially in this business," Albright said. "It doesn't change the fact Sean will be remembered, but time does heal wounds. The further out you get from (Taylor's death), the more you accept it.

"But every day you go in the (Redskins) locker room, his locker is going to be there just like he left it. Everybody that comes in is going to know about Sean Taylor."

Taylor's presence couldn't be missed Sunday. Redskins players were designated the NFC's captains for the pre-game coin toss. The NFC then opened defensively with just 10 players. Washington did the same in its first game after Taylor was killed in late November following a botched robbery at his South Florida home.

NFC (and Green Bay) coach Mike McCarthy suggested the gesture, which was overwhelmingly welcomed by Taylor's peers. Taylor became the first player voted posthumously to the Pro Bowl in December.

"Knowing he's still in our heart, it was a big deal for all the players," said Minnesota's Darren Sharper, who was the lone safety on the NFC's first defensive snap. "We wanted to play hard for Sean."

When a Taylor tribute began airing on the stadium video screen late in the first half, Dallas tight end Jason Witten grabbed Cooley's arm and pointed it out. The duo spoke briefly and watched together as P. Diddy's "I'll Be Missing You" blared over the public address system.

"I told Chris, 'He was a special guy, wasn't he?'" Witten said. "Chris said he was."

Players traditionally swap team clothing during Pro Bowl week. Taylor had so much respect among them that Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck noted "there was probably more Redskins gear being worn than normal."

"I liked talking to Chris and the Redskins guys this week just to understand what (Taylor) was really like," Witten said. "I knew what a great player he was, but I found out he was an even better guy."

After almost breaking into tears during the video montage, Cooley took the field and scored on a 17-yard Hasselbeck pass.

Eerie — just like when Washington defeated Dallas by the same point total as Taylor's jersey number to clinch a playoff berth in the regular-season finale.

"Sometimes things just happen and you don't know the reason," Hasselbeck said. "He just happened to be the guy open on that play."

That touchdown wasn't the only time Hasselbeck and Cooley connected at the Pro Bowl. The two went to dinner Tuesday night so Cooley could pick Hasselbeck's brain about Jim Zorn, Seattle's quarterbacks coach the past seven seasons.

Four days later, Zorn was promoted to Redskins head coach after recently being hired as offensive coordinator. Cooley is admittedly glad that the "musical chairs of head coach interviews are over" after the Redskins met with eight other candidates considered to replace the retired Joe Gibbs.

"I was initially a little surprised (about Zorn), but it is the Redskins," said Cooley, referring to team owner Dan Snyder's history of making unconventional coaching hires. "We kind of sat back and waited to see what happened with no real expectations.

"It's hard to not have anything solid there. We were ready for it to be done. No one really expected Coach Gibbs to leave. It's been an interesting month, but I'm happy we got our guy."

At the Pro Bowl, the focus was on a guy who wasn't there. Samuels remembers seeing Taylor level Buffalo's Brian Moorman on a fake punt during last year's Pro Bowl.

Yes, even punters weren't off-limits to Taylor.

Samuels said he and other Redskins players tried to bring that same intensity to what is essentially a glorified exhibition game.

"We wanted to represent Sean the way he would have played the game," Samuels said. "I think about Sean every day. I also pray for his family."

Samuels' girlfriend is compiling a scrapbook of Pro Bowl events as a memento for Taylor's girlfriend and their infant daughter. Samuels, though, also knows the Redskins must close the book on a season that saw Washington rally for a playoff berth by winning four of five games after Taylor's death.

"We buried Sean a while ago," Samuels said. "We have to put him to rest. We'll still think about him from time to time, of course. But now we have a new head coach. We're going to play for this guy like if it were Coach Gibbs there.

"Hopefully, we'll carry some of that (2007) momentum over. But it's a new season, We can't live off the past. We've got to go out and start all over again."

For three Redskins, that process began Sunday.

Decision 2008: I Finally Endorse a Candidate

It's a tense and exciting time in Washington.

A second, four-year term of mixed results passes, and we're on the verge of selecting a replacement for the biggest job in town. Big names have come and gone in the quest. There have been several intriguing candidates, with three coming clearly to the forefront as of Tuesday's action.

Yes, things are tense around town, with all three big-time candidates representing strong ideas and some obvious flaws. Whatever decision is made, I'll support the eventual winner. But the time has come for me to make my will known and pick a horse. I don't expect anyone to be influenced by my decision, but I feel a civic duty to make it known. I've had to balance a lot of issues here, most notedly experience versus the ability to inspire.

After much consideration, I am supporting Ron Meeks to be the next head coach of the Washington Redskins.

I would have been very happy with Gregg Williams as head coach, keeping the Gibbs 2.0 regime's core in place. But Williams is gone, taking over the defense in Jacksonville. Steve Mariucci is an intriguing prospect, but doesn't appear likely at this point. I think Fred Thompson threw his hat in the race for a little while, but surprisingly never turned out to be a serious contender.

Which brings us to the big three candidates.

I originally wanted Jim Fassel, and had been a big Fassel supporter for the job four years ago before Gibbs came back. And Fassell could be a fine head coach; Washington is one of the biggest pressure cities in the league, and Fassell's experience as New York Giants head coach certainly has him prepared for that. He's a fine, solid coach. But I want something new; I want the Redskins to be the team that discovers the new hotness, rather than bringing in the same old merry-go-round of established guys.

Giants defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo is an intriguing prospect. His defense certainly gave the Patriots offense more than they could handle. But I'm just not enamored of the idea of hiring a first-year coordinator based on his players' performance in one game, even if it was the Super Bowl. No, especially if it's the Super Bowl; players play out of their minds in that game. I don't want to hire somebody based on one game, or even one playoff season.

Which brings us to Meeks, the Barack Obama of this chase. A one-time defensive backs coach in Washington, he knows the scene and is familiar with management. With Dan Snyder or Jerry Jones as your owner, that's extra important. He turned a Colts defense that had resembled a sieve just a couple years ago into one of the league's best last year, with mostly the same personnel. His players would run through walls for him. He's young, he's hot, he's hungry, and frankly, I just have a feeling.

I'll support any of these guys because they'll be wearing burgundy and gold and that's how I roll. All three have the potential to be great coaches. All three have the potential to be huge disasters. Last time we could say that, we were looking at Steve Spurrier.

Please let this not be Steve Spurrier.



EDIT: Spagnuolo is out of the race. He agreed today to a three-year contract worth more than two million dollars a year to stay in New York, making him the highest-paid defensive coordinator in the game.

So it's looking very much like Jim Fassel will be the next head coach of the Redskins. We could do a lot worse.



EDIT: Holy crap, it's Jim Zorn! If I'd had any idea he was in the running, he would absolutely have been my candidate.

Last notable name to jump from QB coach under Mike Holmgren to head coach? Andy Reid of the Philadelphia Eagles. That seems to have worked out pretty darn well.

I'm totally jazzed! This is just the kind of guy the team needs. Can it be that Dan Snyder has actually grown up as an owner with Gibbs at his side for four years?

Art Monk and Darrell Green Elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame!

Art Monk is finally going to be enshrined in the Hall of Fame!

It almost makes the wait worthwhile to have him make it the same year as Darrell Green, not to mention one-time Redskins coach Emmitt Thomas. Now if we can just get Russ Grimm in to represent the Hogs, we might have a real representation of the team that won three Super Bowls in nine years.

Congratulations to Art and Darrell!

An Open Letter to Major League Baseball

Dear Baseball,

As you may have guessed, I need to talk to you about the Mitchell report.

First of all, I'm not quite sure whom I should address this to. Is it the players, or maybe the players' association, union bosses, and agents? Is it the corporate paymasters, the owners, the advertising dollars? Is it the broadcasters and reporters, or is it the Commissioner, supposedly at the top of the whole organization? Or is it the real people in charge of the sport, the fans who have bought record numbers of tickets in recent years?

You see, I have to include the fans in this, because they're what addiction counselors refer to as "enablers." Sports radio may buzz with outrage over the cheapening of baseball's gaudy records, but the outrage doesn't extend to the box office or the souvenir shop. People are going out to the ball park in droves to see 40-year-old flamethrowing pitchers with HGH-healed bodies face down big-headed, roided up batters. They're buying jerseys with their names and numbers on the back. And they're cheering juiced-up homers and strikeouts in record numbers.

My point is, we're all culpable here. We're all to blame, but I'm going to take my medicine first, before I hand any out to anyone else.

Steroids in baseball is my fault.

I was drawn back to interest in the game by the 1993 Phillies, then the 1995 Indians. We've known for years now that both teams were led by chemically enhanced stars. (To be fair, John Kruk and Curt Schilling never exactly had the bodies of an Adonis.) Red Sox fandom came later, from the timeless smell and feel of Fenway, so very different from the stew of entitlement I experienced in New York. I seldom bought tickets, but I bought hats and jerseys and coffee mugs, MLB Showdown cards and the like, I watched a lot of ball on TV and discovered SportsCenter. I probably bought a lot of things advertised in games. And in 1998 I watched with everyone else as Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa smashed Roger Maris' home run record. I cheered and hollered and screamed with excitement as if nothing smelled funny here. It was fun, and it was exciting as hell. It's not just chicks who dig the long ball.

So it is with complete acknowledgement of my part that I address the rest of baseball nation.

Players: Just stop. Stop. Put down the needles, spit out the pills. Stand on your own two feet or fall, like a human being does. Sports attract us because of their purity, the unerring "our guys did it better than your guys" factor, the score at the end being the undisputable result of superior preparation and effort on a level playing field. I can't shoot myself up with something to make me a better actor, administrator, musician, leader, teacher, or writer. You're not just cheating in your game, you're cheating the allegory. Baseball isn't a George-Will-ian microcosm of life if you can only succeed at baseball by cheating.

I know it's impossibly naive of me to expect you to stop because of poetry, but I'm asking anyway. Stop because stopping is the right thing to do. Stop because if you can't make it as a major league baseball player without cheating you aren't really a major league baseball player. To fail as a man is infinitely better than to succeed as a sham.

Commissioner Selig: Give total amnesty to offenders who confess before pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training. This is your fault as much as theirs. You knew this was happening, Bud, you knew. And you did next to nothing until Congress - Congress, for crying out loud, the most useless and impotent body this side of the U.N. - made you. Give amnesty and start again. If, after the amnesty offer, players fail tests, strike their stats from the records. Erase them from history. All their stats, even their names, gone from the record books as if they never played. It's the only way; it's the only penalty that makes sense. Of course you can't know if steroids helped Jason Giambi to 20 home runs or 200, but you know it helped him to home runs. So if, after offering the carrot of amnesty, players merit the stick of erasure, drop the stick on them. Hard.

Yes, I know the Barry Bonds thing isn't addressed by the above scenario. He's never going to play again, so he'll never test positive. That's fine. Let his numbers stand as a monument to your own stupidity, as a cautionary tale. Let his so-called records tell us, "When we sacrifice integrity for money, this is what happens." Leave his seven hundred whatever up there to remind us all to never let this happen again. We all know the home run king is Hank Aaron.

Baseball Fans: Go to minor league games until you're convinced that Major League Baseball is actually substantially cleaned up. Better yet: if you've got an independent league team, like the Northern League, nearby, go there. Trust me; a live minor league game is the best sports experience in the world. The seats are closer, the tickets and beers are cheaper, the lines are shorter, and the whole experience is just more pure. Yeah, the minor leaguers are roided up too, but at least they're not making millions, or most of them aren't. Go to high school games, go to college games.

If you absolutely must follow your favorite team (and, I must admit, it's going to take a lot more than this to make me stop following my beloved Red Sox and Phillies), watch them on TV or listen on the radio. Don't buy tickets, don't buy that new jersey, don't buy a new hat. Wear the old ones. Until you're convinced that baseball is taking real steps to end the culture of drug use, stop giving them your money.

And while I've got you listening, fans, educate yourself about the game. There's a lot more to cheer for than the home run and the strikeout. A ground-ball pitcher's duel is one of the most sublime and beautiful things in sports. Watch the beauty of a 4-6-3 double play and cheer. Shout out loud for defense and the struggle for control of the strike zone. Stand up and applaud your team after they score a run on a walk, a sac bunt, a steal, and an infield single in a tough inning. In my opinion, that's way more fun than a home run. It's the most complex and beautiful game in the world; there's more to love than just the fireworks.

Fix it, baseball. Do the right thing for a change, not just because of money or PR, but because it's right. You're baseball in America, and you should be right.

Yes, the Mitchell report is largely a political document. Yes, it's largely non-prosecutable, and most of the offenses detailed in it are from four-plus years ago. Yes, much of the information came from dirtbag drug dealers with plea deals. But this is your chance, baseball. This is your chance to start something new.

Fix it.

Thanksgiving Adventures!

Karen and I went up to Northern Virginia for most of Thanksgiving weekend. We visited family and had adventures!

There was essentially no traffic whatsoever on Thursday morning when we left. Dingdingding! It was a lovely day to drive while listening to music from my new Samsung Juke phone/MP3 player. I can rock with my Juke, I can move with my Juke!

We spent the day with the Michael and Paula Hamm family in Centreville. Michael is my brother, Paula his wife. Also there were my nephews Joe and Jake, my niece Rachel, Paula's parents Calvin and Janet, Jake's girlfriend Keri, three dogs names Patsy, Dodger, and Louie, and a gorgeous Maine Coon cat named Dude.

Jake is a college student at Rochester, where he's majoring in Guitar Herology. He introduced me to the wonders of Guitar Hero 2 and 3 for the XBox 360.

I was awesome at it.

We played "YYZ," "Carry On, Wayward Son," "The Seeker," "Cult of Personality," and lots of other great stuff. Guitar Hero is much easier if you know the songs you're playing. Jake is absurdly good at it. If he really was majoring in Guitar Herology, he would graduate summa cum laude tomorrow.

Before dinner, we chatted a lot with my family, whom I don't get to see very often because both of my jobs have me working weekends. Michael and I were looking at ads for the next day's ludicrous sales, and I saw an adventure canoe on sale at Dick's Sporting Goods. I pointed it out to Karen, and Mike asked, "You're looking to buy a canoe?" with interest.

He took us out into the garage, where an Old Town Discovery Sport canoe hung from the ceiling.

About 12 years ago, Calvin bought it, used it about a half dozen times, and then couldn't manage it any more. He was planning to sell it, and Paula wanted to keep her father's boat in the family, so she bought it. It has been hanging from the ceiling ever since. So Mike and I talked about money and I bought it. We would swing by their house on the way home Saturday morning to pick it up.

The spread was awesome. I particularly enjoyed the sweet potatoes. I love sweet potatoes more and more with every passing year. Karen made bread. It was delicious.

Here is a picture of the table!

We stayed the night at Phil and Rose's in Ashburn. Friday we slept in as long as Phil and Rose's dogs allowed us. Karen noticed that Newman says "Roo!" and Tucker says "Har!" Phil and Rose cooked us up a spectacular Friday brunch with awesome Mimosas, great coffee, a giant frittata, homemade waffles, and fruit. I had multigrain toast with Earth Balance spread. Earth Balance is awesome! It's so freaking delicious! I have seldom fallen so completely in love with a food product. I want to always have it in my house.

It was impossible to not shop on Friday afternoon, mainly because we needed to buy a car carrier for the canoe. Dick's Sporting Goods had a kit for $30 which did the job. World Market had the chai Paula hasn't been able to find, so we got some for her. Melodee Music had a djembe over two feet across that made the whole store vibrate at frequencies below my ability to hear. I have no idea how I would mike that, but I really want one. We also went to Best Buy, where Phil bought the new documentary Amazing Journey, which is about the Who. We watched a bunch of it later in the day. It is awesome! I need to get it!

Friday night, we went to see the Washington Wizards play the Golden State Warriors. It was Karen's and my first NBA game, though I have been to see the WNBA in New York. Basketball is much better live than on television, and I'm starting to really appreciate the game. We were literally in the back row of the upper deck, the highest seats in the entire arena.

The Wizards have the worst name and logo in all of American Sports.

"Bullets" was bad, but "Wizards" is just incredibly stupid. Is Dumbledore going to play point guard? You can't tell from the picture below, but we're all putting our arms in the same position as the stupid Wizard logo. That was the joke of the night. Did I mention that my family is a bunch of morons, and that under certain circumstances I can be viewed as one of the more normal ones of the bunch?

The view from the top of the arena was pretty good. The action was non-stop, and really clear. My only problem with the Verizon Center is that even though the place is only 10 years old it has 1970s-style vinyl seats, which creates some yucky sweat situations when you sit in them for any amount of time. This is compensated for by the excellent kosher hot dogs and the appearance of Dippin' Dots, though the Dippin' Dots stand right near our seats was closed and we had to walk all the way around to get some.

Here's the view from the top.

The 'Zards lost the game, though it was really tight until the last few seconds. Caron Butler had his first career triple-double. If he makes the Hall of Fame, I can say I was there!

Saturday morning, we packed up early and drove to Mike and Paula's to pick up the canoe. The Old Town Discovery Sport is a heavy canoe, so it was a struggle for Karen and I to get it on top of the CR-V without help. Mike gave us some advice and helped strap it down, even giving us some excellent ratchet straps to replace the fairly simple ones that came with the carrier kit, but we had to do it on our own to justify buying the darn thing. If it's 55 degrees or more on Saturday, we'll take it out on the James.

I have some fears about the canoe's weight, both in transporting it and maneuvering it. It has a flat back, which is a canoe design intended for optional outboard motor usage. I hope it's not too unwieldy to paddle. But it's strong and tough, rugged and well-built, with wooden seats. It's old school! I can't wait to take it out!

Come out boating with us!

Whitlock on Bonds

Another great piece of opinion from Jason Whitlock, including a Bill Clinton reference.

An excerpt:



If Barry goes to jail, it’s because he chose 756 over freedom. Vanity short-circuited his common sense.

He could’ve copped to everything when the investigators interviewed him years ago and disappeared like Mark McGwire.

Bonds already had enormous wealth. A legacy, an important one, in baseball was already secured.

He wanted baseball’s most hallowed record, and he wanted it untarnished, so, in my opinion, he manipulated the truth.

He didn’t have to. I’ve never pitied Bonds, and I don’t today, even though he’s facing charges that could conceivably land him in jail for 30 years.

What I’ve always rejected is the silly notion that bringing down Bonds would somehow cleanse baseball and the sports world. It doesn’t. It doesn’t even begin the process. It does just the opposite.

The prosecution of Barry Bonds simply gives Bud Selig and all the other owners of professional sports franchises another fig leaf to hide their culpability in America’s steroids arms race.

Bully for You, Patriots

Every NFL fan has teams he or she hates.

Of course, there are the obvious arch-rivals; Raiders-Chiefs, Packers-Bears, Steelers-Browns. I myself have a shirt that reads “MY TWO FAVORITE TEAMS ARE THE REDSKINS AND WHOEVER’S PLAYING THE COWBOYS.” And of course we root against division rivals, but I have to admit that I don’t feel the same level of white-hot hatred for the Giants and Eagles as I do for Dallas.

But occasionally personal experience brings a personal hatred. About twelve years ago, a quirk of scheduling had my Redskins playing two games in one season against Tampa Bay, home and away. It was like they were honorary NFC East for a season. This was, I believe, the last year they wore orange-and-orange; 1994 or 1995. The ‘Skins lost both games in ugly fashion; not by blowouts but by simple inability to execute. The Bucs were a bad team, but the ‘Skins made them look good, and that’s the worst kind of loss. I have despised the Buccaneers ever since. I’m commissioner of my fandom, and the commish holds a grudge.

It is with that experience in mind that I congratulate Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots for their 52-7 victory over Washington on Sunday. Well done, Coach. You have earned my enmity, taken a team I rooted for in every postseason of the 2000s and placed them just one layer of Hell higher than the Cowboys for me.

It’s not that they beat my team badly; that I can take. Hell, since 1992 I’m pretty used to an annual savage beat-down. With the Redskins' offensive line on crutches and stretchers and quarterback Jason Campbell suddenly reverting to doe-eyed-rookie play quality the last two weeks, a bad loss was inevitable. It’s the completely classless manner in which New England scored the last, oh about 30 points, that has earned my hatred, as well as the scorn of NFL commentators across the nation. Before this week, the Patriots looked like a team of destiny. Now they just look like bullies.

I have to acknowledge that I didn’t watch the whole game. I had a performance of Richard II at 2:30, and the game started at 4:15. I got to my car after the show and turned on the radio with the Redskins down 17-0 and driving down the field. Campbell turned the ball over and the Pats had just over two minutes remaining before the half. They threw a couple of passes, which the ‘Skins secondary just clearly couldn’t defend. Suddenly I noticed that they weren’t calling any running plays. The clock and game management was excellent; it was precise and well-executed, and they scored another touchdown with just a few seconds left to lead 24-0 at the half.

I muttered out loud in my car, “Running up the score a little, don’t you think?”

I hadn’t seen anything yet.

My viewing of the second half was marred by the fact that I had to figure out how to turn on the heat in my house before the sun set. In between reading the wrong manual and trips in and out of the back yard, I saw the Patriots execute pass after pass, a fake spike, a linebacker catching passes, passing on fourth down, and not a sniff of Redskins offense.

I’m sure some random Patriots fan ( Scott Wichmann ) will be posting any second now to explain how this wasn’t running up the score, but he’ll be wrong. In the first-ever regular-season meeting of coaches who have won three Super Bowls, Bill Belichick demonstrated to football America what the difference between old school and new school is. Old school kicks your ass, then promptly gets back to work on the next game plan; new school kicks your ass, wants everyone to see them kick your ass, wants them to see how they kicked you ass, wants them to see just how badly they kicked your ass, and wants them to see just how they’re going to kick the next guy’s ass.

But mostly, new school wants to punish the NFL for finding out they cheated.

Here’s what you do in the NFL if you have any class or respect whatsoever. Once you get a four-touchdown or so lead, you hand the ball to the running back. You call plays that don’t cause injuries to your team or the other team, you kill the clock, you take your double-digit victory and you go home happy. If the opposing defense is so inept that they can’t stop your run-after-run and you score, the fault is theirs. You can beat them without intentionally humiliating them. A bad team humiliates itself.

Joe Gibbs would never have called those ridiculous pass and gadget plays with an opponent down 24-0, 31-0, 38-0. Vince Lombardi wouldn’t have. Tom Landry, Bill Walsh, and even Bill Parcells, whom I loathe with all my soul, wouldn’t have. But Bill Belichick would.

Thanks again, Coach, for showing us who you are so clearly. I could look past the cheating and the snubbing of opposing coaches enough to still root for Tom Brady. But humiliating Joe Jackson Gibbs like you did on Sunday is so far across the line that I can’t anticipate ever coming back.

And it’s not just Washington fans who are going to see this. Don’t think NFL players and coaches are just going to take being disrespected. This is coming back to bite the Patriots, and soon. Some linebacker, his team down 35-7, is going to take Brady down with a late hit; some free safety is going to spear Moss across the middle, someone is going to take Vrabel down low. His team will take the 15-yard penalty, the offender will be kicked out of the game, he’ll be fined six figures, and he’ll get thank you cards from players on 31 teams. I’m not recommending this, nor am I approving it; I’m just the messenger. Starting week 10 (because the Colts’ Tony Dungy is too classy to allow it in week 9) we’re going to see increasingly dirty play against these Patriots.

Congratulations, Coach Bullychick, on your 52-7 victory over the Redskins. Your Patriots are my new Cowboys. I guess you finally understand the full power of the dark side of the Force.

GO COLTS!