Andrew Hamm: the Bipolar Express

Ruminations on theatre, music, and just about anything else that crosses my bipolar brain.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Check Out My Brain

First the medical stuff: I just got back from seeing Doctor Hardy at Neurological Associates. Yes, this was the first appointment I could get after my debilitating and terrifying migraine of June 24th. Well, there's nothing wrong with my brain. All my tests were normal. The doctor did use the technical term "weird" to describe the June migraine, with its vast array of accompanying symptoms, but it was within the range of a normal migraine experience. Could have been stress, lack of sleep, or other factors that made it so severe. He gave me a couple samples of Imitrex to try with my next couple migraines and we set up a three-month check. Doctor Hardy is very cool, and has some experience with the Williamsburg Shakespeare Festival. I'm hoping to see him in the house for Richard II.

A lovely benefit of this experience is that I have a CD-ROM with 32 CAT scans of my brain. So naturally my first thought was "These images need to be on my blog!"

Warning: gross cross-section images of my brain, skull, and eyeballs ahead!






This is the bottom of my brain. The vertical shafts at the top of the picture are my nostrils. Apparently I was in need of a nose-blow, as they seem to be filled with luminescent snot.






This one in particular grosses me out big time. Yes, those are my eyeballs at the top of the picture. I also seem to be growing a third eyeball in the center of my brain. It's looking at you!


This is really gross.





Now it's starting to look like a proper brain. Are those icicles or something encroaching on the sides?




Awww, my brain is happy to meet you.









This is the creepiest Rorschach test ever.





Somehow seeing the surface of my own brain is infinitely more nauseating than seeing its internal structure.



And this final one represents the actual size of my brain. It's about the size of a shelled walnut, and has rings around it, similar to the planet Saturn.

So what do you think, friends? Will you still respect me, now that you've seen my naked brain? More importantly, having seen the above images, what's your diagnosis?

What's wrong with Ange Hamm's brain?

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12 Comments:

  • At 8/10/2007 11:32 AM , Blogger Joey Fanelli said...

    First off: "Well, there's nothing wrong with my brain." You might want to get a second opinion on that.

    And now for the pictures:

    The first one really didn't creep me out or anything, but the second one, oh man, those eyeballs are just weird. It looks like the head of a frog or something. It would, however, be cool if you actually did have a third eyeball inside your brain, that way you could look around and see it in action. The third one, much like the first, seems pretty normal to me. The fourth reminds me of a smiling Asian man, with one sharp fang sticking out of his mouth. The fifth, sixth and seventh looks as fallows: in the fifth, your brain's center is gathering excess energy, where in the sixth it begins to create a face that isn't compleated until the seventh picture, where it appears to be some sort of evil doer with a small mouth. I have three words for the eighth: Oodles of Noodles! And, as you said, the ninth is your brain's actual size.

    My diagnosis: Based on these pictures, it is obvious that your brain is too busy creating the faces of creepy Asian men and small-mouthed evil doers to keep you healthy. The only prescription is more cowbell.

     
  • At 8/10/2007 3:37 PM , Blogger Andrew Hamm said...

    The only prescription is more cowbell.

    LOL in my office!

     
  • At 8/10/2007 9:18 PM , Anonymous Mudge said...

    Remind me to tell you about more cowbell when I return.

     
  • At 8/10/2007 9:40 PM , Blogger Joey Fanelli said...

    Cowbell does a body good.

     
  • At 8/10/2007 10:46 PM , Blogger Frank Creasy said...

    Ahem...AHEM!

    - This is your brain.

    - This is your brain on snot.

    - This is your brain with Doctor Evil eyeballs.

    - This is your brain impaled from either side by ten penny nails.

    - This is your brain at Halloween as a Jack o'Lantern.

    - This is your brain making an appearance in the movie SCANNERS just seconds before its' big exploding scene.

    - This is your brain nicely matted and framed for your mother to show to guests when they come to visit.

    - This is your brain as it appeared 70 million years ago when you were a Stegasaurus.

    -This is damn well enough of your brain, THANK you!

     
  • At 8/11/2007 5:32 PM , Anonymous Terry Dolson said...

    Joseph Campbell could do a new study: The Brain with a Thousand Faces. Only, he's dead so you'll have to do it.
    But, reading what your up to, I see your plate is full, thank you very much. So, I'll just have to remain creeped out by the many faces living in your brain, with no real explanation for them.

    Hope you're migraine-free now!

    TerryD

     
  • At 8/11/2007 9:40 PM , Blogger Joey Fanelli said...

    Insted of voices, you have faces.

     
  • At 8/12/2007 11:14 AM , Blogger Frank Creasy said...

    Alternative song lyrics:

    "Faces, I hear faces..."

    "Hush hush, even downtown, faces carry..."

    "Purple haze, all through my face..."

     
  • At 8/12/2007 12:41 PM , Blogger Wayne Conners said...

    BRAAAAAAAINS!

    http://www.brains4zombies.com/

    BRAAAINS...

     
  • At 8/13/2007 3:29 PM , Anonymous Philip Hamm said...

    All I could think of when I read the title of this blog was Sam Jackson in Pulp Fiction "Check out the big brain on Brad!"

    Hey at least it's in your head unlike Spock's Brain in Star Trek.

     
  • At 8/23/2007 12:54 PM , Blogger Andrew Hamm said...

    Brain and brain! What is brain?!

     
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