Andrew Hamm: the Bipolar Express

Ruminations on theatre, music, and just about anything else that crosses my bipolar brain.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

ESPN Actually Gets Worse Than "Who's Now"

I didn't think it was possible for ESPN to actually get worse than the awfulness of their interminable and idiotic "Who's Now" series (wherein celebrities and viewers vote to see which athletes are more "Now" than others to fill empty show minutes in July), but it gets worse. Much much worse.

Now posted on's Page 2 is "Who's Ticketed for Canton" by Thomas Newmann and Scott Symmes, a hypothetical list of 50 active NFL players whom they predict will eventually be inducted into the Hall of Fame. Their criteria: Mortality (durability), Statistics, Team Success, Upside, and Intangibles.

Okay, the idea is sound, sort of. 20 points in each category. #1 Brett Favre maxes out at 78. And the top of the list is some interesting reading.

Until you get to the 30s and 40s, where players with one or even zero years of NFL experience start making the list based on high marks in Mortality, Upside, and Intangibles. Calvin Johnson and Adrian Petersen, yet to play so much as a pre-season snap make the list. And Zach Thomas, Ruben Brown, Bryant Young, Jon Jansen, Donovan McNabb, and Fred Taylor don't. Those are just the first few names I though of.

In the long and rapidly-growing succession of reasons ESPN is circling the toilet bowl in a rapidly-descending spiral, this list may be the biggest turd. Yes, I understand the way the list was made. But any system that prizes potential so much that it puts players who haven't played a single snap in the NFL above Thomas, etc. is utter nonsense. Incontrovertible fact proving this list's idiocy: Heath freaking Shuler would have made this list in 1995. And that's not even mentioning the second-year players like Vince Young, Reggie Bush, and AJ Hawk, none of whom should be on this list either.

The list of 50, for your reading displeasure:

Cantonized: The List 1-50

35. Ty Law

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  • At 8/02/2007 2:39 PM , Blogger The Professor said...

    Found this article on Armchair GM and I can't agree with you enough - and we thought "Who's Now" was the final word in asinine. This is meant, like any "Top Whatever" list, to get people to talk about it, tune in and check out their website.

    The boycott must start may be time to make an ESPN Sucks: Top 50 Moments in the Slow Death of Sports Journalism or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and love the New York Yankees.

  • At 8/02/2007 2:41 PM , Blogger Andrew Hamm said...

    Professor, it sounds like you are the man to start this list.

  • At 8/02/2007 3:32 PM , Blogger Joey Fanelli said...

    The hell, I don't even know who half of those people are.

  • At 8/02/2007 3:50 PM , Blogger Scott Wichmann said...

    the whole 'who's now' seems like a conversation had by a bunch of junior High School girls. Seeing the panel (Keyshawn, Stu Scott, the blonde) talk about 'who's now'is really well, just, so.. GAY. Can we just watch the games and not worry about this baloney?? I swear, the hype always trumps the substance. Tht'a why my favorite espn show is PTI. Tony and Wilbon keep it real. The rest is just asinine. I've had enough of Stu, Joe Morgan & Chris Berman. Even my beloved Sports Guy has become so 'LA' it's excruciating. (Ps, while I'm typing this, Gagne just began his Sox career with a strikeout of some poor Oriole.)

  • At 8/02/2007 5:38 PM , Blogger Brent Levy said...

    Two weeks ago they had a couple extremely knowledgeable sports journalists join the discussion... Adam Sandler, Kevin James, and Jessica Biel. Awesome.

  • At 8/03/2007 9:53 AM , Blogger Andrew Hamm said...

    While I did enjoy looking at Jessica Biel, I couldn't begin to tell you what any of the words coming out of her mouth were.

    Gagne is wicked freakin awesome.

    I can watch PTI and Around the Horn, and I do catch SportsCenter in the morning as long as they're showing baseball highlights from the games I missed the night before. But I no longer can watch a whole installment of SC for pleasure.

  • At 8/03/2007 11:28 AM , Anonymous Philip Hamm said...

    That graphic is so funny Ange!!! Did you make it? I LOLed!!!!!

  • At 8/03/2007 11:39 AM , Anonymous Philip Hamm said...

    I love "Baseball Tonight" most of the time. I like Joe Morgan and Jon Miller doing games.

    "Who's Now" is downright embarrasing.

  • At 8/03/2007 11:39 AM , Blogger Frank Creasy said...

    The day Randy Moss and Terrell Owens are inducted into the Hall of Fame is the day I start following the CFL.

    But if Jessica Biel wants to talk about the NFL or, say, the next great curling team in the winter Olympics...I'll be there to watch her talk! Great googly moogly!

  • At 8/03/2007 2:27 PM , Blogger Brent Levy said...

    No one likes to look at Kevin James or Sandler? What's up with that?

  • At 8/03/2007 8:42 PM , Blogger Frank Creasy said...

    Sandler I can take or leave, but I'm with you on Kevin James!

  • At 8/05/2007 9:06 AM , Blogger Andrew Hamm said...

    Yeah, I made that graphic, stretching my MS Paint capabilities...

    I really dig curling, by the way. I find it fascinating to watch, and would really like to play it.


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